How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and scent and sillage
My soul can reach, when feeling anosmic
For the ends smelling and ideal trace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most noisome need, by sun and iPod-light.
I love thee secretly, as men strive for gain.
I love thee obsessively, as they turn towards praise.
I love thee with the passion put to ill-use
In my old Giorgio, and with my teen-age’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to use
With my lost sense. I love thee with the breadth,
Scent, jasmine! Of all my life; and if Thierry choose,
I shall but love thee better after anaphylaxis!

Jasmine. Wood. Musk. Grape. Loud. Strong. Sublime. Allergenic. Beware.

(apologies to Liz Barrett Browning)

by Thierry Mugler, 2001

Thierry Mugler is an artist at the high-low fashion tightrope walk, because his Cologne is a real work of postmodern art. It starts by smelling like a better-made, more expensive version of 4711, all fresh and citrusy, and you’re thinking, “Hey, ok, highend 4711, dude!”. Then all of a sudden you’re wearing highway reststop bathroom soap, “Whoa! WTF?” (yes, my inner voice sounds like Keanu), which evolves into the barest hint of Nag Champa incense and aftershave lotion, then something fresh-herby starts morphing into Un Jardin en Méditerranée, suddenly zigs away from that luxe smell, zagging back into the reststop bathroom. All this in under 5 min. Then it starts all over again; or, really never went away, just revealed more of itself over time.

Sound complicated? It’s not, it’s very straightforward and simple smelling. Mugler’s scents tend to be rather direct and no-nonsense, hitting you upside the head with their obvious-yet-weird mashups of quotidian accords: Angel=chocolate-musk-vetiver-licorice, Alien=jasmine-wood-musk, and this? Citrus-pink public bathroom soap-incense-herbs. If fashion is the line between taste and trash, this is a work of genius.

Odeur 53 by Comme des Garçons

Supposedly made of 53 chemicals not found in nature. Has ridiculous ad copy that mentions NONE of the following: Faint whiffs of rose, old leather, stale tobacco, lipstick, dried up mint gum, and a lost violet pastille. It’s Eau de Grandma’s Purse…  oddly, it’s not your grandmother’s purse.

Prada eau de parfum

Berries, musk, leather accord base. Luxurious, classy. Seemed to be aiming at Kelly Caleche but hit Lolita Lempicka by accident.

Black Amethyst by Bath & Body Works

Lowend deadringer for the above. Less leather, no development. Won’t wash off.

888 by Comme des Garçons

Supposedly made to smell like gold bullion, but smells like a mostly generic highend luxury scent. Replace the berries from the Prada with saffron, add a yellow (instead of white) flower accord and it’s the same scent. Still… nice, classy, pleasant, gives a warm glow.

Angel Men Pure Coffee by Thierry Mugler

This is Angel (candy-chocolate-musk). For Men (extra musk). Coffee scented (Yum!), which wears off quickly, just musk left (yuck), which sticks to your clothes fiercely (drycleaning!$$!).